Remembering Raymond
Posted: Fri Oct 04, 2024 12:50 am
Good evening, New Sucks 500. I write to you today because I am unable to sleep, as I've been thinking about our... mutual friend, Raymond Hewitt aka ChrisMuttonshutter.
Though he has passed away some time ago, Mr. Hewitt is still frequently discussed within the Ilford Bariatric Ward as none of us have ever seen a case quite like his, before or since. For one thing, he was by far the largest patient in NHS history. Shortly before Raymond's passing, we were formulating a plan to study him and figure out just how it was possible for a human being to survive with such excessive amounts of body fat. Surely his organs and bones should have been crushed by the sheer weight?
And then there was the feces incident. I'm sure you all remember hearing about the 2 inch thick layers of excrement on the floor, walls, and ceiling of Raymond's room in the bariatric ward. An entire floor had to be gutted and rebuilt in order to safely resume patient care.
Anyway, I digress. As thinking about Mr. Hewitt is what's keeping me awake this night, I thought it fitting to post my thoughts on the web forum he so loved to torment. I hope this message finds you all well. Furthermore, please heed this warning - do not give in to gluttony, lest you meet the same end as Raymond. Your body will not be able to take as much punishment as his.
Best regards,
Dr. Finkelstein
NHS Bariatrics Specialist
Though he has passed away some time ago, Mr. Hewitt is still frequently discussed within the Ilford Bariatric Ward as none of us have ever seen a case quite like his, before or since. For one thing, he was by far the largest patient in NHS history. Shortly before Raymond's passing, we were formulating a plan to study him and figure out just how it was possible for a human being to survive with such excessive amounts of body fat. Surely his organs and bones should have been crushed by the sheer weight?
And then there was the feces incident. I'm sure you all remember hearing about the 2 inch thick layers of excrement on the floor, walls, and ceiling of Raymond's room in the bariatric ward. An entire floor had to be gutted and rebuilt in order to safely resume patient care.
Anyway, I digress. As thinking about Mr. Hewitt is what's keeping me awake this night, I thought it fitting to post my thoughts on the web forum he so loved to torment. I hope this message finds you all well. Furthermore, please heed this warning - do not give in to gluttony, lest you meet the same end as Raymond. Your body will not be able to take as much punishment as his.
Best regards,
Dr. Finkelstein
NHS Bariatrics Specialist